i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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