$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
