i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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