His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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