im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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