You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
