Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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