Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
