Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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