I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
