Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
