its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
