Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
