with your own penis?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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