just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
