dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
