I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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