I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
