I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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