Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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