I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
