Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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