fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
