1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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