i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
