How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize