you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize