Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
