im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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