a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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