foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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