I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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