So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
