idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
