How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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