bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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