Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
