Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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