brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
