Only a mothe r could love this liver
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize