Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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