I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
