dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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