were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize