he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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