I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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