$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
