A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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