I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
