So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
