Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
