kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
