Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
