When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We need to get me chipped asap
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I deserve this hangover.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
