Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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