shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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