Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
