You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So vagazzling was a success
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
