My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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