you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
