it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
