White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
