This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
