Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
