Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
