I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
