I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
do herpes really smell.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
