vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
