I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You took a bar mat shot.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think your dad took our porno
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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