i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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