Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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