i already hear my dad disowning me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
