I CAN MOONWALK!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
