yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize