My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
