So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
