Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
