still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize